Episode 2:Dave Jory, Judy Carter,Spike Milligan, John Bird, John Fortune

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PREAMBLE

The editorial process for Episode 2 began with encouragement to submit a new version of the opening theme somewhat early, in order to ensure that it had been cut from the cumbersome ninety seconds for which it lasts at the beginning of Episode 1. The reduction to a more manageable thirty seconds had taken place soon after Episode 1 had gone to air.

For Episode 2, Tammy conducted an excellent interview with Judy Carter, a comedian turned giver-of-comedy-workshops. Although he didn’t admit it at the time, Dom was running scared: his big, indulgent interviews were impressive on the surface, but Tammy seemingly tossed this off with little effort and little experience, so she was clearly a natural. Imagine how good she’ll be when she decides to give this interviewing lark a proper go!

Episode 2 went to air Friday 2nd December.



OPENING THEME

Frank Zappa (?): The way I see it, Barry, this should be a very dynamite show.

This line is sample from ‘Lumpy Gravy Pt 1’, from the Frank Zappa album Lumpy Gravy, and plays over the wow and flutter of bad radio reception sampled from ‘Reception’, from the Paul McCartney & wings album Back to the Egg. It is followed by the static and noise of a radio tuner being spun through various stations, and then gives way to ‘Holiday for Strings’ by Spike Jones and his City Slickers, until:

Deep ‘Announcer’ Voice: And now it’s time for Radio Ha Ha with Tammy Tantschev and Dom Romeo.

LAUGHTER [1]

sampled from ‘Slush’ from the Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band album Let’s Make Up And Be Friendly.


INTRODUCTION

Dom Romeo: Hello and welcome to the second episode of Radio Ha Ha. How are ya, Tammy?

Tammy Tantschev: I’m awesome, Dom, how’re ya doing?

Dom Romeo: I’m not quite as awesome, but I’m doin’ okay.

Tammy Tantschev: Oh, okay. Good.

Dom Romeo: Now I’ve got to tell you that this week we’ve got some comedy from Dave Jory up front.

Tammy Tantschev: Fantastic, and I’m going to talk about the Judy Carter workshop that I did on the weekend and have a chat with her.

Dom Romeo: Well then we’ll have some classic comedy from the vaults;

Tammy Tantschev: Excellent. And I’m going to tell you what’s on in Sydney, with the gig guide.

Dom Romeo: But right now, let’s hear from Dave Jory, who’s a Sydney stand-up comic, who’s been around for a couple of years now. He’s a little bit dark and he wears a suit and he’s quite foreboding with his bald head; he looks like he could be — not an extra, but — a main character from one of those Guy Ritchie crime flicks from a couple of years ago.

Tammy Tantschev: He does, he does. He comes off a little morose sometimes, but I think deep down Dave Jory’s a pussycat.


LIVE STAND-UP

Stand-up: Dave Jory, recorded live at Sydney’s Original Comedy Store

a great set that ends rather abruptly when Dave Jory hears the second bell after a good audience response, and announces:

That’s a good one to go on! Good night!

Dom Romeo: Now Tammy, there are two things I want to talk about at the end of that little snippet of Dave Jory’s stand-up.

Tammy Tantschev: Yes.

Dom Romeo: As soon as that second bell went, he was off like a flash! Now, look, you do stand-up. You tell me about it: is it understood that if you’ve got five minutes, you do five minutes and if you step a moment over, they take your soul?

Tammy Tantschev: It’s a lot like that. It does depend a lot on what venue you’re at, and that particular recording was from the Sydney Comedy Store, and they will switch the mic off on you and leave you in the dark talking to nobody if you go over the time limit. Especially if you get to five minutes, you hear the bell go and you get a laugh, then leave on a laugh, my friend, don’t dig yourself a hole with the fifteen seconds you might have left.

Dom Romeo: Interesting. Now the other thing I want to say is that Dave Jory appears on that Sydney Underground Comedy DVD… [2]

Tammy Tantschev: That’s correct, yes.

Dom Romeo: … that we played a bit of last week, but of course, to be honest to the punters at home listening…

Tammy Tantschev: Yes.

Dom Romeo: … he does do a bit of ‘effin’ and blindin’’ on the DVD which he graciously chose not to do when we told him we might record him to play [on air].

Tammy Tantschev: Which was very, very nice of him

Dom Romeo: That’s the mark of a great stand-up comic.

Tammy Tantschev: You need to be versatile and you don’t know who your audience is going to be, and you have to be able to tailor to that, and if you want to do corporate gigs and things like that too, it’s essential that you have a clean set. So it’s certainly very telling if you can do good comedy without all the swearing and all the rude references.

Dom Romeo: Now Tammy, be honest: you know a little bit about this, don’t you?

Tammy Tantschev: Uh… rude references?

Dom Romeo: No, no. About what it takes to be a good comic.

Tammy Tantschev: I… look, I… I think I’m always learning what it takes to be a good comic, and sometimes I think I’ve got a good idea, and then I’ll have a gig that makes me think that maybe I don’t know so much.

Dom Romeo: But of course, Tammy, we both know that you know a lot more now because on the weekend, you did the Judy Carter comedy course, and I also know that you caught up with her. So I want to hear your conversation with Judy Carter for Radio Ha Ha.

Sation ID:

This is Radio Ha Ha on 2GB Plus.

INTERVIEW WITH JUDY CARTER

Tammy Tantschev: Judy Carter is a master teacher, an author, a comedian, a humorous speaker; she appeared on over one hundred television shows, formed Comedy Workshop Productions — a school for wannabe comics — ten years ago, and also produces the annual Californian Comedy Conference. Judy is also the author of Stand-Up Comedy, the book, which has sold over 150,000 copies, and her latest book, The Comedy Bible, is the definitive guide to making a career out of making people laugh.

Judy Carter, a very warm welcome to Radio Ha Ha.

Judy Carter: Great! Wow, I was thinking, “is that me?” I have to say thank you, that was a great intro!

Tammy Tantschev: I had to cut it short; you’ve done a hell of a lot.

Judy Carter: Well, the best part is that my book is being published in Australia. That’s quite an honour. It’s so weird; they had to translate it into Australian.

Tammy Tantschev: Oh right, with the spelling…

Judy Carter: Yeah. The word ‘humour’ itself, in America, doesn’t have a ‘u’ in it. In Australia it does. In America, we don’t care about ‘u’, it’s all ‘me, me, me’. Maybe that’s one of the differences.

Tammy Tantschev: And this is the second time you’ve come to Australia to teach your workshop. Is it just the demand here that brought you back or do you actually have a soft spot for us Aussies?

Judy Carter: Oh, I do! I love it here. You just walk down the street and you don’t need therapy, because everybody says, ‘No worries…’ Twelve times a day people say to me, ‘No worries… no worries, mate. No worries.”

Tammy Tantschev: No worries!

Judy Carter: Everybody says that, and it’s very comforting.

Tammy Tantschev: It’s nice, isn’t it? Yes, I’ve been to the States once and I found it a little bit hectic.

Judy Carter: Yeah.

Tammy Tantschev: So you’re teaching your comedy workshops in Sydney and in Melbourne while you’re out here. Now, can anybody learn to be funny, or do you have to have been born with a natural ability?

Judy Carter: Well, yeah! You know, there are people who will never be funny. But if you are funny I can show you how to take your ‘funny’ and really learn to rock a room and put it to good use in your life and on stage. But if you don’t have a sense of humour whatsoever, please don’t come to my classes this weekend in Melbourne. Listen, please don’t. Make it easier on yourself, make it easier on me,

But there are a lot of people who sit watching the telly, going, “I’m funnier than him!…”

Tammy Tantschev: Yes.

Judy Carter: “…Why is he on TV?”

Tammy Tantschev: There are a lot of people who are funny among their friends, who can’t do stand-up, just as there are a lot of stand-up comics who aren’t known as ‘the funny one’ socially; what do you think the difference is between a funny idea and good stand-up material?

Judy Carter: Well, first of all, it’s shorter. And also, when you tell a funny story at a party and everybody laughs, that’s a pretty good indication that you have a skill. So what we do is, first of all, when you perform for a stand-up audience, they don’t all know you. And also, your friends at a party, when you tell a joke, aren’t all gonna go, “You suck!” They’re going to be polite and laugh.

Tammy Tantschev: Some of my friends do…

Judy Carter: Oh, change those friends!

Also, people have what I call a ‘remote control’ mentality: you’re watching the TV, you’ve got the remote control in your hand — we get bored so quickly and just go, change — change— change — so when you’re a stand-up comic, you have to set up your humour; you have to set up your jokes. Soak in the audience and keep their attention. That’s the hardest part. So, obviously, you have to get to your laughs very quickly. So these stories that go, “All right, twenty-five guys walk into a bar…” We professionals call that ‘laying too much pipe’ for the punch line. It’s too long. You have to get to it, get to it — that’s the craft. If you already are funny, great. I can show you how to make money from being funny, have a career, and show you how to express yourself and help you get over the fear of standing in front of people.

Tammy Tantschev: During the course, and in your book, you really emphasise the importance of having a ‘comedy buddy’. What’s so beneficial about doing that?

Judy Carter: Well, we have people who come to the course who just sit in a room and type up funny stuff and they don’t mingle with a lot of people. They find that when you stand up in front of people and you’re doing it, it’s just funny to you and maybe your cat. And people go, “you know, Judy, I don’t know how to just sit down and write funny material”. Well who says you have to sit down and write funny material? In the class, we don’t do that. You get a comedy buddy and we do these ranting and raving comedy exercises into a tape recorder. Your comedy buddy will write down what you say that could possibly be a joke.

Tammy Tantschev: So they’re things that you could miss from a personal perspective, that someone with a fresh perspective will actually pick up, as a joke.

Judy Carter: Yeah, exactly. Have you ever been talking to someone and they laugh, and you went, “well, I wasn’t trying to be funny!”

Tammy Tantschev: Yes.

Judy Carter: Or, “what’s so funny, everybody?”

Tammy Tantschev: Yes.

Judy Carter: You know, it’s like the person who slips on a banana peel and everybody laughs: it’s not very funny to the person who’s sitting there with a sore butt! So we need somebody else to look at our life and help us find those nuggets of pain and humiliation that we’re going to turn into comedy gold. So that’s really how my workshop works. This Saturday and Sunday we’re spending two days, from 9am to 5pm, really focusing on people’s lives: what can they take from their lives and turn it into comedy — and turn into stand-up comedy, specifically — and make an audience laugh?

Tammy Tantschev: Did you ever actually have a regular day job, or did you go straight into entertainment and comedy?

Judy Carter: I was a high school teacher just from when I was twenty to twenty-two — two years of my life! — but I had to quit: I couldn’t handle all that money and prestige. That was the only job I had.

Tammy Tantschev: And you actually went from teaching to comedy, and now you teach comedy. There’s a saying that ‘those who can’t do, teach’, but it’s pretty fair to say that you’ve blown that stereotype right out of the water. Do you prefer teaching comedy now, or performing?

Judy Carter: Well, I was on the road for eighteen years and that can get old, you know, I mean, every day! And I just went, “You know what? I wanna try something else”. So I got as successful as you could possibly be…

Tammy Tantschev: You were on the road for eighteen years?

Judy Carter: Yes, and I wanted to do something else and that’s when I wrote my book. And then no-one wanted to publish this book but I found one person — and those of your listeners who have a dream of doing stand-up or writing a book and people tell you, “no, you can’t do it,” don’t listen to them because it just takes one person to make your dream come true. So this one person helped me publish my book. Every publisher rejected it except one. And then when it was published, Oprah Winfrey put it on her show. She loved my book and the book just sold like crazy. Everybody was wrong. So then I started teaching, and then I got a little bored with that, so now I’m back to doing comedy but now I do corporate comedy. So I’ve had a lot of career shifts in my life.

Tammy Tantschev: You actually specialise in that now and you’re going to organisations and entertaining and motivating staff. For Fortune 500 companies like Boeing and FedEx, what kind of reaction do you get from people when you entertain them? As an organisation, how does someone react to someone taking the mickey out of their company?

Judy Carter: I don’t know about Australia, but in America corporations are humour-impaired.

Tammy Tantschev: Oh, we get a lot of that over here, too.

Judy Carter: You know, it’s like “Oh, is that politically correct? I might lose my job. Oh, if you tell a joke about a woman’s breasts, you might lose your job.” They’re so uptight! And, personally, we sue too much, so if some guy is talking to me and looking at my breasts, I’m just gonna say, “Hey buddy, if they talk back, you can have ’em!”

I felt that corporate America needed me, and so I just found that when I go in, they say to me, “Judy, we want you to lighten people up because people are quitting because we changed their policy about their bonuses, and we want you to talk about how change is a good thing, and make it funny.” So then I customise what I do. You get out there and you see that everybody looks really gloomy; it’s 8 am, so I’ll just come out and say something like, “Well, they want me to talk about change and I feel perfectly qualified to talk about it because I used to be a man. And you see everyone wake up and go, “Okay, this is going to be something different!” That’s what I do: I’m a wake-up call for corporations: waking them up to their sense of humour and helping them deal with stress and change, using their sense of humour. That’s specifically what I speak about.

Tammy Tantschev: Apart from people reading your book The Comedy Bible or taking your workshop, what advice would you give to people trying comedy for the first time?

Judy Carter: Keep it short. Get to the laughs really quickly; you don’t have a lot of time. People aren’t all smoking pot like they were in the 70s and 80s; now people are on Starbucks double latés. Boom, boom, boom! They don’t have patience. Get to the joke.

Two: Joke about something you know something about. Don’t talk about politics when you’re first starting out; that’s a little trickier. Joke about yourself, your family, something in your life.

Number three: don’t do blue material. People think comedy is just talking about their body parts.

Tammy Tantschev: You see a lot of first-timers do that; I definitely have.

Judy Carter: Yeah. That’s really funny when you’re eight, you know, but you’re a grown-up now, so you’ve got to be a little bit cleverer than that. You’re gonna see every open mic comic doing doo-doo ca-ca kind of things…

Number four: don’t talk about anything coming out of holes — farting, pooping, whatever it is — nothing coming out of holes. People are eating nachos and pizza and they don’t want your graphic pictures in their head.

And five: don’t plan a lot of material. Start with three minutes. Maybe you’ve got eight jokes — just start with that because it’s better to keep it short and memorable than long and boring.

Tammy Tantschev: I definitely recommend, anyone who’s thinking of trying comedy, get out there and buy Judy Carter’s The Comedy Bible. There is the Australian version, and I think you’ve also got information in there about Australian agents and venues.

Judy Carter: Yes, and clubs and places to work. We’ve done a lot of research and they really worked hard making the Australian book really relevant to Australia.

Tammy Tantschev: And if people didn’t get a chance to get along to your workshops this time, will we be seeing Judy out here again in the future?

Judy Carter: Well they want me to! I mean, we did the Sydney workshop and everybody was so happy with it and we have a lot of speakers, we have people who are lawyers — they just want to learn how to speak in front of people.

Tammy Tantschev: So it’s really for anyone!

Judy Carter: Yeah.

Tammy Tantschev: Excellent. Judy, thank you so much for talking to us at Radio Ha Ha and I hope you enjoy the rest of your time in Australia.

Judy Carter: This is Judy Carter, and you’re listening to Radio Ha Ha! Ha ha! Ha ha? Ha ha. Bye.

Dom Romeo: So that was Judy Carter!

Tammy Tantschev: Yes.

Dom Romeo: I almost wish I’d been there. Tell me, what was it like for you?

Tammy Tantschev: It was fantastic. I wasn’t sure what to expect, and like a lot of people, you’re never really sure if someone can teach you comedy or not. But what Judy does in her lessons is, she teaches you a method that makes it very easy to find the humour in a situation in your life — she refers to a lot of personal circumstances — where you can draw inspiration from, and apply her method — or a method; she claims it’s not hers but a universal method — you apply it to the material and you actually end up with a joke; good content. It was incredible, because there was such a mixed group of people in the class — there were about thirty of us at the Sydney Comedy Store — and there were comedians that I recognised who are working and are successful right now, there were speakers, there were people who were just looking to get out of their shell a little bit, people who wanted to have good comebacks when they found themselves facing those kinds of situations, people from all walks of life and, I have to admit, some that I looked at and thought, ‘goodness me, there’s a challenge for Judy’ to put it nicely, who actually got on stage and killed. I couldn’t believe how in just two days’ time, she managed to turn ordinary people into stand-up comedians.


Station ID:

Laugh out loud: it’s okay. This is Radio Ha Ha on 2GB Plus.

CLASSIC COMEDY


Dom Romeo: Now, Tammy, I’ve got to tell you that when I first met you, I thought you were a little bit weird. Whereas I say things like ‘dance’ and ‘France’… [3]

Tammy Tantschev: I would say ‘dance’ and I would say ‘France’, [4] because that’s how they’re correctly pronounced.

Dom Romeo: And, whereas I would say ‘lego’ [5], you say…

Tammy Tantschev: ‘Lego’. [6]

Dom Romeo: And where I’d say ‘devon’, you say…

Tammy Tantschev: It’s ‘fritz’; what’s ‘devon’?

Dom Romeo: Okay, so, ‘lego’…

Tammy Tantschev: … ‘fritz’…

Much laughter since, even though Tammy is from Adelaide and talks funny, she doesn’t actually say ‘fritz’ for ‘lego’…

Dom Romeo: ‘Leh-go’…

Tammy Tantschev: ‘Lay-go’…

Dom Romeo: ‘Devon’…

Tammy Tantschev: ‘Fritz’…

Dom Romeo: Let’s call the whole thing off!

Dom Romeo: I know that sound’s awful, but that’s the best introduction I can give you to this piece called ‘The Audition’ which dates back to the mid-70s, [7] is performed by John Bird and John Fortune, [8] and is from one of the Amnesty International gigs from the 1970s. I think it’s from A Poke In The Eye With A Sharp Stick. [9].

Soundbite: ‘The Audition’ by John Bird and John Fortune, from the various artists charity compilation album A Poke In The Eye With A Sharp Stick.

An audition takes place in which the song ‘Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off’ is sight-read; not knowing the joke, the auditionee pronounces ‘tomato’ and ‘pajamas’ the same way both times. The punch line, therefore, becomes…

I’m sorry, I fail to see what’s wrong with this relationship…

Dom Romeo: It’s so silly, but I love it!

Tammy Tantschev: I love it too.

Dom Romeo: And uh, yes. If I ever come to visit you in Adelaide, I will play with your lay-go and I will try your fritz.

Tammy Tantschev: And you’ll have to have some Woody’s.

Dom Romeo: Woody’s?

Tammy Tantschev: That’s a softdrink.

Dom Romeo: Okay.

Tammy Tantschev: Okay.

Dom Romeo: Well done.

Apart from in this studio, Tammy, why don’t you tell us where else we can laugh in Sydney this week.

Tammy Tantschev: Absolutely!



GIG GUIDE

Soundbite: ‘Vamp Until Ready’ by Spike Milligan, from the album Spike Milligan — A Collection of Spikes

the track loops to underscore the entire gig guide until it ends with a chord, as the gig guide ends.

Tammy Tantschev: Here is what’s funny in Sydney this week, with your gig guide.

At the Sydney Comedy Store, in the Entertainment Quarter at Moore Park, Friday 2nd and Saturday 3rd, Jackie Loeb headlines, and is supported by Mickie G and Sean Baxter.

From Tuesday 6th, of course, you’ll find the amazing Anthony Mir.

At the Laugh Garage in Parramatta, on Friday 2nd, you’ll find Gary Who as well as Peter Egner, and on Saturday 3rd Akmal’s headlining.

The Comedy Hole at the Sandringham Hotel in Newtown features bloke, Chris Franklin on Monday 5th December.

Also Monday 5th, if you’re up north, get to the Old Manly Boatshed to catch Brett Nichols.

And the Fringe Bar in Paddington again offers comedy on a Monday night. So get down there to see Anh Do, Jackie Loeb and The Dickster on Monday 5th December.

Wednesday 7th December, Blacktown RSL features Michael Hilder and Sean Flag.

And also Wednesday 7th, the Statement Bar in the city features Steady Eddie and Chris Franklin.

On Thursday 8th of December catch again Steady Eddie and Steve Philp at the Epping Hotel.

The Friend in Hand Hotel in Glebe hosts the Mic In Hand comedy night each Thursday night, and on Thursday 8th December your headline act is Tommy Dean and your MC is Kent Valentine. And the Mic In Hand features an open mic section every week, so that’s where you need to go if you want to try new comedy, or get down and support someone trying new comedy.

Other open mic nights around Sydney are at Pear Shaped — that’s held at the East Village Hotel every Monday.

Tuesday nights you’ll find open mic at the Sydney Comedy Store.

And you should also get yourself down to Paddy Maguires in the city on Wednesday nights with the very talented Mr Nick Johns.

Soundbite: ‘Vamp Until Ready’ by Spike Milligan, from the album Spike Milligan — Comedy Collection

Big final note fades up after gig guide, to end the track and the gig guide.

Tammy Tantschev: Okay, so, Dom, we’re at the end of our show, which is a shame, but before we go there are two things I want to ask you. Firstly, your book launch was on Wednesday night.

Dom Romeo: Yes it was.

Tammy Tantschev: How did that go?

Dom Romeo: Well it went really well. For me it went particularly well because we taped everyone. So, over the next few weeks, you’ll be hearing stand-up comics at the Comedy Store, just doing their thing but occasionally slipping in a joke from a joke book that I happened to compile.

Tammy Tantschev: So, even at your own launch, you’re still working for Radio Ha Ha. I love this.

Dom Romeo: Well, that’s one way of looking at it. On the other hand, even when I’m working at Radio Ha Ha, I’m still plugging my book — so it’s much of a muchness, really.

Tammy Tantschev: And, on the book, Dom, before we go, we’ve got to have you leave us with a joke.

Dom Romeo: Okay. Here’s one of my favourite dumb jokes from the book Have You Heard The One About…. Here we go:

Dom Romeo: Why did the Southern gentleman wear a tuxedo to his vasectomy?

Tammy Tantschev: I don’t know — why did the Southern gentleman where a tuxedo to his vasectomy?

Dom Romeo: Because he figured:

If Ah’s goin’ ta be impotent, Ah’s goin’ ta look impo’tant!

Tammy Tantschev: Oh, thank you so much! Dom, as always, a pleasure!

Dom Romeo: Well, Tammy, same here.

Tammy Tantschev: And, everyone listening, don’t forget: you can go to the 2GB Plus website, www.2gbplus.com.au to get a subscription to Radio Ha Ha, or you can find us in iTunes.

Dom Romeo: And why not send us an e-mail? Send us a joke, talk to us, tell us what you want to hear.

Tammy Tantschev: Thanks everyone for listening to Radio Ha Ha.

Dom Romeo: Bye now.

Tammy Tantschev: Bye.

CLOSING THEME

Soundbite: Last segment of ‘Holiday for Strings’ by Spike Jones and His City Slickers.


FOOTNOTES

1. For this episode we inaugurated the new Radio Ha Ha tradition of sampling a different laugh at the front end of every episode. At one stage I imagined having a competition on the website, where you could click a button and hear a laugh, and have to match it to a name. But instead, over-telling the joke as usual, I prefer to just list the laughers and point people to the source.
2. That we of course discussed in Episode 1.
3. Pronounced, for the purposes of the cumbersome gag I am in the process of perpetrating, as “dants” and “frants”.
4. Pronounced, although I’ve failed to explain it, because Tammy’s from Adelaide, as “dahns” and “frahns”.
5. Pronounced “leh-go”.
6. Pronounced “lay-go”.
7. It probably dates back to the early 60s satire boom, if not university revue, as do John Bird and John Fortune. [8]
8. John Bird and John Fortune were both Cambridge University alumni who were involved with the Cambridge Footlights Dramatic Club, although Bird, a little older, was a postgraduate student while Fortune was still an undergraduate. They collaborated frequently, coming to the fore as satirists when it was all the rage as part of the so-called 60s ‘satire boom’ in England, that gave rise to the likes of The Frost Report and That Was The Week That Was. In more recent times, John Fortune turned up as the acupuncturist in Ben Elton’s (disappointing) feature film debut Maybe Baby, while John Bird starred opposite Stephen Fry in the BBC comedy Absolute Power
9. A Poke In The Eye With A Sharp Stick was the first in a series of all-star fundraising comedy galas. It took place in 1976, and was filmed for television (and retitled Pleasure at He Majesties). Subsequent Amnesty International comedy fundraisers include Mermaid Frolics, The Secret Policeman’s Ball, The Secret Policeman’s Other Ball and The Secret Policeman’s Third Ball.